BEWARE the power of an unrecognized belief

When I was little, I experienced a trauma and learned to use perfectionism as a coping method. I was in the fifth grade and I convinced myself that if I wanted things to "get better," I needed to do everything right -- there was no room for error. 

When perfectionism is your lifeline, the idea of failure is devastating, criticism is hard to swallow, and facing judgement seems unbearable. Not to mention, it's hard to be a perfectionist without developing a need to please everybody.

The thing is, there's no way to be successful, have everyone like you and make everyone happy. That's the truth, but this ingrained concept of perfection has caused me to take less risks, miss big opportunities, and struggle to get past mishaps.  

I'd be fooling myself if I said I didn't share my blog or apply for cool jobs because I was just afraid. It's much deeper than that. Acknowledging the fear doesn't make it go away. Recognizing my fear stems from this lie I made up as a child that I have to be perfect to survive and get ahead in life is a better place to start. 

It's amazing how often we go through life making decisions based on subconscious beliefs. And you never really notice it until someone asks you not what you believe, but why

This is one of many recent revelations I've had since listening to a Marianne Williamson lecture, God and Career.

During the lecture, Marianne said A Course in Miracles warns us to beware the power of an unrecognized belief. She gave the example that you can't expect the universe to give you opportunities to make money if deep down you believe money is bad or will impact you negatively in some way.

Not acknowledging the foundation of your beliefs can cause you to subconsciously self-sabotage, make excuses why you can't do something, procrastinate and convince yourself you didn't really want to tackle that goal in the first place. 

I say all this because I'm serious about taking control of my thought and spiritual life. I have to find ways to reduce my stress and I'm learning that it's not the external factors that need to change, it's my perspective that needs adjusting.

I'm working hard to recognize when I'm making fear-based decisions and I'm taking it a step further by identifying the "lie" fueling the fear and combating that lie with the truth.

I'm studying, researching, writing and praying my way to a healthier thought and spiritual life. 

At the end of the day, it comes down to walking in fear or walking in love.

I choose to walk in love.